Swearing Off Girls, Except Paris

Remember when Tristan said, “I’m going to swear off girls for a while”?

That elicited a spontaneous “Ha!” from Rory.

The episode, which just aired today on ABC Family, is “The Third Lorelai,” where we first meet the elder Lorelai Gilmore, aka “Trix.” Fascinating, back in episode 3 (“Kill Me Now”), Emily explained to Rory that the plates “were your great-grandmother’s.”

Richard expanded on the thought: “She was an extremely accomplished equestrian, a distinguished patron of the arts, and she was also world-famous for her masquerade balls. She was quite a woman, my mother.”

So, Trix went from being past-tense to “never going to die” in today’s episode. (And thankfully, I’m sure Emily would agree, no one lives forever.)

But in this episode today, where Trix offers Rory a quarter of a million dollars, and Emily convinces Lorelai that Rory’s going to off and become her own woman, foreshadowing some of the themes that come into play in seasons 4, 5, and 6… Watching this episode today, what really struck me was Tristan, and his date with Paris.

Nobody likes Tristan or sympathizes with him, because he wants to intrude into Rory’s relationship with Dean. Yes, he likes Rory. As I once said about a girl I once liked, “a lot, a whole big lot.” And he doesn’t know how to express his feelings in an acceptable manner. And so he acts out. And so no one really likes him as a charaacter.

But I feel sorry for him, in a way, because I once felt like that. Like most of us, growing up, I had to learn how to interpret and how to act on the way I felt about the opposite sex. And having recently written the details of that story, for Love through the Eyes of an Idiot, I guess those memories were still strong in my mind, and that’s why I sympathized with Tristan.

Tristan and I have something else in common: I always fell for the girls who were worst for me, either those who weren’t interested in me (like Rory) or those who would hurt me (like Summer). And it wasn’t until I made some significant, deliberate, and uncomfortable changes in my approach that I finally fell in love with my wife.

So maybe Paris wouldn’t have been the girl for him, if he had given her a chance. And Rory’s right, one date is not a chance, at least not when you’re caught in a dysfunctional pattern like Tristan is, such that you want to swear off girls.

I lost count of how many times I swore off girls when I was dating. I pulled up a few for my book, getting as many details as I could from old journals and letters. That’s a natural result of lovesick depression, and it was actually a very brave admission for Tristan to make to Rory, especially considering how he feels about her.

So yeah, I sympathize with Tristan, and I feel sorry for him. He at least likes Rory, in his own, backward way, and so he has that going for him.

He faded out of the picture, and we never got to see what happened to him over the years, as we eventually did with Jess. But I can only hope that he eventually found his own Margaret, whom he allowed to make his love life complete.

-TimK

P.S. Maybe one of you girls can explain to me: Why doesn’t Rory just admit to Paris that she suggested to Tristan that he ask her out? She did it, simply because she knew Paris liked him. So isn’t that a good enough reason? Maybe Rory kept it a secret simply because she didn’t think Paris needed to know, and she’s learned she shouldn’t tell Paris more than she needs to… Uh, no, then why would Rory think that Tristan would keep her secret? So what’s going on here? I know there’s some reason why Rory wanted to keep it a secret and expected everyone else to know it was a secret, but like Tristan, I don’t quite get it. (I guess that’s yet another thing we have in common. Smiling )