(Gilmore Girls fan site)
Still watching Gilmore Girls
and still loving it

Today’s Gilmore Girls episode, “Sadie, Sadie,” has two quirks of note: Firstly, Lane goes on and on about her “parents,” including her mythical father, whom we all know does not actually exist. That’s right, Lane was actually conceived in a test tube, because even that was too much excitement for her mother. (The story about Mrs. Kim’s wedding night is also a myth.)

Also in this episode, Lorelai wears glasses! Yeah, they’re awful cute, but she only wears glasses or contacts in 3 episodes, if I recall, of which this is one. The others were (1) the pilot episode, in which she thinks she put her contacts in backwards, and (2) Er… hrrmph… some episode in which she was seen in Luke’s diner wearing a red, plaid, flannel shirt and black, thick-rimmed eyeglasses. (I’m sorry I don’t remember which episode that was. But if you don’t tell anyone that I forgot, it can be our little secret.)

But what I really want to talk about today is Luke. Everyone in town knows how he feels about Lorelai. Even Rachel knew. But Lorelai apparently continues to remain ignorant of it, probably because she wants Luke to remain firmly and only a friend. There’s a certain comfort in a relationship with hard boundaries, because there’s limited commitment, and you know it will never get out of hand.

I remember back in the day, people used to complain about how big of a wimp Luke was for keeping his feelings a secret from Lorelai. (For all I know, they might still talk that way, but in recent years, I’ve taken to enjoying Gilmore Girls for what it means to me, and I’ve basically ignored the GG fan boards. Sorry. Hope that doesn’t make me a snob.)

But the situation is more complicated than “man” or “wimp.” I actually understand how Luke feels and the situation he’s in, because I once was my own Luke, and I had my own Lorelai. In the Love-Idiot book, I call her “Helena.” She too had long, dark hair, and delicate freckles on her nose, and blue eyes that sparkled like sapphires. From the moment we met, I found her attractive, and my affection for her only increased as we got to know each other. But we were mere friends, and I knew she probably wasn’t interested in a “relationship” with me.

She was also intelligent and cultured and opinionated, and she and I frequently bantered and argued over whatever subject came up. Once, we went hiking across Blue Hills with a friend of ours, Ed. We broke for lunch in a clearing. Helena sat on a rock, and I on another, several yards away. Ed plopped himself down on the ground in between us and opened his sandwich. As we ate, Helena and I began discussing order and chaos, and specifically, God and creation and order and chaos. That’s a touchy subject, just mentioning it. But we got into it. Is the universe chaotic, a randomly derived collection of subatomic particles? Or is it ordered, designed by God with built-in knowledge and intelligence? Is God a God of order? Or of chaos? Or both?

Suddenly, Ed stood, marched to the very edge of the clearing, and announced, “I’m not getting in the middle of this!”

But what I remember most about those days is that I didn’t feel like there was anything to get in the middle of between Helena and me. That is, I enjoyed spending time with her, talking with her, discussing with her, even arguing with her… about everything except relationships.

Several days after the Blue Hills hike, I happened to mention to Helena how pretty she was, how beautiful her eyes were.

She hit the roof. How could I have violated the boundaries of our friendship like that?! In the end, I was severely crushed. And it was many years before I was able to forgive her. In fact, it wasn’t until I wrote the Love-Idiot book that I took a long, hard look at these memories, and perhaps saw things a little more clearly from her point of view.

That why I’m not sure Luke is a wimp. Yes, maybe he could have told Lorelai how he felt, but unfortunately, it probably wouldn’t have worked out even if he had. Because Lorelai was with Max, and she probably would have felt threatened by Luke’s feelings.

Luke’s situation was different from mine in one important respect. He had Rachel. Poor, silly, idiotic Luke! He had a beautiful, interesting woman, with whom he actually had been in love in years past, desperately in love. That relationship could have been a dream come true for him. He could have pulled up those feelings and delved into them. Luke’s biggest mistake was not giving Rachel the respect and attention she deserved as his girlfriend, regardless of what she had done to him in the past. But I guess having something, as they say, is often not so great as wanting it in the first place.

(At some point during season 4 or 5, I’ll probably make a similar comment about Dean.)

Fortunately, I eventually found my own Rachel, and by that time, I knew enough to give her my focus and attention, even though I was still reeling from previous Lorelai relationships at the time. It was a profoundly uncomfortable (and even in some ways, unromantic) period in my life, but I knew what I was doing, and it worked out in the end.

Till next time…
-TimK