(Gilmore Girls fan site)
Ultimate Gilmore Girls Fanaticism
from the Ultimate GG Fans

I think I’m finally figuring out what irks me about the latest Gilmore Girls episode, “It’s Just Like Riding a Bike.” Many people thought this episode was the best one in a long time. Unfortunately, I found it infuriatingly boring. But being the hard-core fan that I am, I still watched it a second time through. And by the third viewing, I was mocking it the same way Lorelai and Rory do bad movies. Gilmore Girls is not supposed to be a bad-movie experience. But I think I finally figured out why.

• Where are all the Gilmore-isms? This episode had a total of 4 pop-culture references, an all-time low.
• Where’s the fast-paced dialogue? I didn’t need subtitles to figure out even what Michel was saying.
• What happened to Lorelai? The woman I know and love is an audacious broad with a razor-sharp wit, covering deep layers of complex personality. But the character this week was only as thick as a razor and as sharp as a half-wit.
• What happened to Sookie and Jackson? Same question as above. Were they on something? Did they not actually dispose of that weeded back half-acre?
• Why do I care? Gilmore Girls has always had a deep, layered story. Every scene was a story. Every line made me want to hear more. The staff storyteller must have been sick this week.

The travesty began from the very first scene. To confirm that I wasn’t going insane, and to demonstrate the difference, I’ve rewritten this scene. It wasn’t completely bad. But it had some serious problems. Watch the original first scene, then read my variation. And tell me which is better?

(Lorelai stops outside Luke’s diner, breathes deeply, then enters.)

LORELAI: Hey!

KIRK: Well, well, well. I always suspected this day would come.

LORELAI: Hi, Kirk.

KIRK: You’re not getting this seat back.

LORELAI: Huh?

KIRK: You can’t. It’s mine now. And frankly, I can see why you hogged it for so long.

LORELAI: Oh I see, you’ve been smoking too much ganja, huh?

KIRK: It’s clearly the best stool in the joint. Close to the cash register and the kitchen, which guarantees plenty of face-time with the boss. Climate-wise, it’s positioned between two air-conditioning vents, which creates a nice cross-ventilation—

LORELAI: I know! Plus it’s the furthest away from the door, so you don’t get any of those funky smells that waft through whenever one of the neighborhood vagrants decides to stop in for a burger.

KIRK: You’re mocking me.

LORELAI: Kirk, you can keep the seat. (to Luke) Hey.

LUKE: Hey. Coffee?

LORELAI: Yes, please.

LUKE: To stay or to go?

LORELAI: Uhm. To stay.

LUKE: Good. Okay.

MISS PATTY: Lorelai!

BABETTE: Hiya, Doll!

LORELAI: Hey!

MISS PATTY: It’s so nice seeing you back in here.

LORELAI: Thanks. It’s, uh, nice to be back!

BABETTE: It’s been a long time.

LORELAI: Yes.

BABETTE: What? Nine, ten months?

LORELAI: Something like that.

KIRK: Actually, I can tell you exactly when Lorelai was in here last, because I marked it in my calendar. “May 22, 2006, stool available?” It’s important to—

LUKE: Enough, Kirk! (hands Lorelai a cup of coffee)

LORELAI: Thanks. (eyes her coffee)

LUKE: So, how’s it going?

LORELAI: Oh, really well. The inn is really busy.

LUKE: Yeah, I’ll bet.

LORELAI: And… So, how are you doing?

LUKE: Me? Good. Really good.

LORELAI: Good.

LUKE: Yeah…

(awkward pause)

LORELAI (eyes her coffee again): This is weird.

LUKE: Your coffee is weird? What’s wrong with it?

LORELAI: No, I mean, this. Me. Here.

LUKE: Yeah, I knew what you meant. Maybe a little.

LORELAI: I don’t get it. Wow. I knew it was going to be weird. Why should it be weird?

LUKE: You haven’t been in here in nine, ten months. It’s bound to be a little weird. Drink your coffee. It’ll get easier.

LORELAI: But it’s not that simple. It’s more than that. It’s… I don’t know.

LUKE: This place has a lot of memories for you. You used to come in here every day, and then suddenly, nothing. Give it time. It’ll come back to you.

LORELAI: It’s more than the coffee, Luke.

LUKE: Look. It’s Luke’s Diner. It’s Luke’s coffee. You love Luke’s coffee. You need Luke’s coffee. Luke’s coffee is the best coffee in town. Or at least that’s what you used to say to anyone who would listen. Frankly, I’m surprised you were able to stay away as long as you did.

LORELAI: Are you aware that you’re channeling Bob Dole?

LUKE: You want a blueberry muffin with that?

LORELAI: Uh. Yeah. Sure. Why not?

LUKE: And by the way, Bob Dole is still alive.

LORELAI: I know that. (sips coffee) Mmm… (awkward pause) Uh. You know, I just remembered, I have an early meeting at the inn. Maybe I should take this to go.

LUKE: Yeah, okay.

(They stumble over each other as they pour the coffee into a Styrofoam cup.)

LUKE: There you go.

LORELAI: Thanks.

LUKE: I’ll see you around.

LORELAI: See you around. (to Babette and Patty) Bye.

MISS PATTY: Bye!

(Lorelai exits diner, takes a breath, walks on.)

So what do you think? Did I capture the Gilmore Girls gestalt? Or did I lose it?

-TimK