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In the episode “Bon Voyage.”

TAYLOR: You people are violating town ordinances left and right. This is highly irregular.

ZACH: Dude, you’re who’s highly irregular.

TAYLOR: Excuse me?

LUKE: I don’t know what your problem is, but the town wants to throw this party, and you’re either going to join us or you’re going to stay home and comb your beard.

In the episode “Hay Bale Maze.”

TAYLOR: Now, take it easy, Luke… The veins in your neck are starting to pop out at me.

LUKE: Why is there a giant wall of hay right in front of my diner!?

TAYLOR: The entire town voted. I’m just executing what the town wants… Please try to control your neck veins.

In the episode “Fight Face,” in reference to The Godfather.

LORELAI: Why would TJ come over to my house and sledgehammer my bedroom?

LUKE: Damn it, Liz!

LORELAI: What did Liz do?

LUKE: Oh, she worked me over! She begged me to hire TJ as the contractor on the remodel.

LORELAI: TJ’s a contractor?

LUKE: No, and I said no! But she made me promise to think about it, and then she sat in the diner, staring at me. And then she started to cry. So I kicked her out! And then she went outside and cried, so I could see her through the window. And I couldn’t take it anymore! So I said “Okay!” knowing we had weeks to figure out how to get out of it and no work could be done, because George hadn’t made up the plans. And in the meantime, TJ could have changed occupations or injured himself bouncing up and down on his trampoline and backed out of the job.

LORELAI: But how could you risk saying “okay” to anything with TJ?

LUKE: Did I mention the crying? Liz is a walking tear duct. Oh, TJ’s good. You never see what’s coming, like a big dumb tsunami. He’s that good!

LORELAI: So what do we do?

LUKE: I’m going to talk to TJ. But I’m going to be smart about it. I’m not going to spook him. I’m going to be like Michael Corleone dealing with that slimy brother-in-law of his. Get a couple of tickets to a ballgame. Invite him along and we’ll talk about the beer and the hot dogs we’re going to eat. And then I’m going to get him to admit that he did this. And then when we get in the car on the way to the ball park I’m going to put a rope around his neck and pull it ’till he’s dead!

In the episode “Forgiveness and Stuff.”

LORELAI: They just brought Grandpa back up. He’s in room 202.

RORY: Well come on.

LORELAI: You go ahead, I just— I have to make a call.

RORY: Well hurry up.

LORELAI: I’ll meet you there.

LUKE: So who are you gonna go find now?

LORELAI: Stop.

LUKE: How about Jimmy Hoffa? That’ll keep you busy for a while.

LORELAI: I said stop.

LUKE: You can’t avoid going into that room forever. Click to continue »

In the episode “They Shoot Gilmores, Don't They?,” in reference to A Christmas Carol.

LUKE: Taylor, you are asking me to donate free coffee to hundreds of people so you can raise money to buy a tarp.

TAYLOR: How about fifty cents a cup?

LUKE: How about I charge for cream?

TAYLOR: You would kick Tiny Tim’s crutch out from under him, wouldn’t you?

LUKE: If he asks for a free cup of coffee, gimpy’s going down.

In the episode “Those Are Strings, Pinocchio,” in reference to flying deer.

GYPSY: You wanna kill the little romping Bambi’s?

TAYLOR: People, do I have to detail the problems that these deer cause?

LUKE: No, but you will.

TAYLOR: Lyme disease, auto accidents, plane accidents.

LUKE: We have flying deer?

MISS PATTY: Oh, that’s scary.

BABETTE: Yeah. Those ones you can snuff. Click to continue »

In the episode “Take the Deviled Eggs.”

TAYLOR: The bottom line is that too many birds are landing atop the street lights and relieving themselves on helpless passersby. And I dare say that some of these birds seem to be doing it on purpose.

BABETTE: You get dumped on, Taylor?

TAYLOR: It’s not just me…

LUKE: Hey, if anybody has a picture of Taylor getting dumped on, I’ll pay top dollar.

KIRK: I’ll check the internet. Click to continue »